nccotus

it’s the 9th day of Christmas

this is the holiday season to surpass all others.

I have been blocked from the holidays for 45 years.

because of an unfortunate incident in my family.

turns out it was all because of Judith. My mother.

who is specifically responsible for all of my smoking woes. And also my lower GI woes that have me in critical condition as we speak.

her motive was jealousy. Over Arthur Robyn, the baby I lost at 13. Triggered by the sexual incident when I was 17.

she relinquished me to smoking at 14, saying that I chose to smoke and then fostered it down all those years, supplying me with cigarettes for instance, at the state hospital and after Ian was born when I was ready to limit it in order to be a good mother.

when the GI woes started she pulled one of her weird Judith moves and turned a problem into a catastrophe. That I have been living ever since. Difficult to describe or explain. So many such moves in my life. Difficult to describe or explain. Like Alex’s first phone call and how she derailed us before it even started. And then ducked and hid.

so, now she is dead. And can’t be held to order for what she did to me all her life long: as I sit here posting it is about the Ford Fusion and the criminal act she pulled when she dangled MY car keys in front of Ian and gave my car to him right in front of me, taking my car and giving it to him. Since then the car was parked for several years as I struggled in a vortex on psych wards and here.

the Lord works in mysterious ways. I can only cling to this for my strength and satiety in this regard. the car slowly lost value through this and is waiting to go to a dealer for worth is left in it. This project is being met with trouble as Ian is thwarted in getting it to the dealer. This is Judith’s bitter energy from purgatory as she continues to refuse to accept her death.

we were starting to move towards making up at that time. I believe she met with foul play just as my brother Steve did.