nccotus

finally seeing it that I don’t need permission to pick up my marbles and go play somewhere else. This is a rule that I need to apply generally across so many situations in my life. But I am thinking specifically of the Harvard Advocate.

I was waiting for a rescue from the situation where I had become an unwanted “President.” (ie, editor)

then, when I sought help in the aftermath I met with the same situation all over again. I was a patient in the couch of a psychologist who couldn’t help me. It has taken me 42 years to figure this out. The lovely Philippine psychiatrist at Wernersville state hospital—a woman—pointed out that I had trouble with situations. That was about 3 years later. Then, I landed in another situation there that I have been handling ever since. (Jim M. and Patsy S. at the Lodge Program at the state hospital). (I have been fighting this ever since.) It all turned out to be about assimilating from British to American culture which I did with the help of a Canadian marriage.

there continue to be adjustments that need to be made there. After meeting with a horrific malpractice that has left me “perning in a gyre” for 30 years, I finally learned to take a hint from a lovely pain management doctor who showed me in the sweetest, plainest way that the appointment was over and it was time to get up out of the chair and a half and go. I probably need a cane or something at this point of my life but nothing seems to fit. I use the book bag to balance me for my partial complex seizures or whatever it is that taxes my strength and leaves me vulnerable to being boarded by others and subject to painful spasms.

so, yes, sometimes I need to know when to reach up to God for a hand to hold to get up out of a situation where there is no friend and I need to pick up my marbles and find some place else to go.

St Therese of Avila’s words suffice: “Those who have the Lord lack nothing. God alone is sufficient.”