nccotus

so, i almost died in the ICU of the de facto torture of a catheter clamped onto my clitoris. Obviously I was trying to oull it off. Obviously I had a UTI and the pain of the catheter in my urethra was literalky killing me. I was passing in and out of consciousness from the pain. Was aware but blacked out, couldn’t see anything or say anything. Finally I said “It hurts.”

And a woman standing near me said “Its supposed to hurt.”

six months later, Aftet I got out of the state hospital, my mother said “You almost died.” But then my father came walking down the garden path on his way home from work and she droppwd it and then never said anorher word to me about it.

4 years later, when I met Alex, it started to come back to me but felt unreal.

It all felt so serious at the time; and was.

38 years later I know how to take an error message and I understand that the Lord was telling me something about my sexality. To quit the promisuity. Which had been all but fatal to me at that time.

i learned not to go there. Met my hysband and kept my pud in my pants. It took a lifetime to heal from 80’s errant feminist sexuality especially as expressed in my family.