nccotus

after I first started taking antipsychotic meds in the 1980s, I had a weird new way of making decisions, for instance picking a movie to watch. I just pictured the choices in my mind and saw the one I wanted to watch without a lot of grief.

my favorite movie from this time period was Back to the Future.

for obvious reasons, I was on a course of self psychoanalysis and also was in actual psychoanalysis which for me was about trying to fix things about my life that I didn’t like.

I dont think I need to explain much about Michael J Fox’s portrayal of a young man who fixes his life through a visit to the past through time travel.

those older anti psychotic meds also gave me a weird control issue that is hard to explain.

I was having a relationship with one of my male roommates that needed to be a stopped.

my parents always soft-shooed out of situations like that such as my undergraduate experience with the literary magazine, with a joke or a rolling of the eyes, when there was real danger for me which did happen.

I attempted suicide and wound up at the state hospital. Et cetera.

the rest of my life is beginning to sort itself out. Im 64 years old now and the tragedy and granndstanding and, moreover, recently the gaslighting are coming to a close.

I am out of panic mode and sitting comfortably on a mountaintop.

I have picked up some many moves to get through a situation and one of them is to do things in “stages.” “Mountains will crumble.”

starting a new life.

that was my policy in 2012 when I moved here from Florida and it became a dismal failure; now, I am doing it all over again.