nccotus

a stitch in time saves nine.

those adages can be hard to understand.

“A watch pot never boils”

I finally realized that that is properly rendered “A watched pot never boils” lol. And the meaning is obvious.

One quick stitch sewn in time saves a major rip you would have to sew up a month later.

one of the tests for schizophrenia is to see whether the person can accurately understand such proverbs.

my analogies fell apart when I went to Wernersville and died a social death there. They said, “it’s not a forever place.” At least not for everybody. My father wants it to turn out to be a forever place for me in a way that’s like putting the cart before the horse. His logic is no good. It would be a pain in the ass to take it down and i would fear becoming esnared.

I was terrified of my mother when I realized that she was 1) running my MH life at Wernersville State Hospital and 2) mentally deficient herself.

it got worse at the end and, since her death, my biological sister has picked up the torch. She and my father are running the Murphy side of things. To a fault. Both have a history of abusing my son. Both have accused me of abusing my son.

my sister made a really weird marriage. She is probably still trying to justify it. My whole family was jealous of my marriage to Alex and my mother and my sister both had the hots for him. They would never let me have any peace.

it was a marriage that was ill-starred, literally it was the worst ever marriage according to the Chinese zodiak, in which a marriage of a couple set apart by a multiple of 6 years is doomed and Alex and I, my mother and father, and his mother and father, were all set apart by 6 years. I was stuck on that for the longest time. Our issues were just so impossible and so deep. It was a comfort to see it that way, and there were other factors reinforcing this view.

the perfect couples in the Chinese zodiak are set apart by a multiple of 4 years. In case my reader cares to know.

there is something in this about the rhyme and rhythm of the universe

One therapist I had pointed out that it would be one challenge to live with in a marriage along with others and I respected that view. He was another person who had a lesion on his face that went under the knife. It was such an encouragement when I got one taken off of mine. Kind of in a “shit happens” sort of a way. That was a long time ago now, in South Florida. (Mine was done more recently here in PA).

so, New Years has a better resonance for me this year as I have brought out and wrestled to the ground some old family business that have kept me in a sick thrall over the holidays since before my adult life began. In other words for 47 years.

ordinary day today, did my laundry. Felt a beautiful white light permeating the atmosphere.

some weird stuff going down.

my goal for the new year (my new years resolution): follow God and let him make me Holy.