nccotus

so, I remember now about why I had to leave the practice I am trying to return to.

the psychotherapist appeared to be assembling evidence in favor of my sister’s plighted troth to put me in prison for sexual abuse and other abuse of her that never happened.

all her life and earlier in mine she was trying put me out of the family. It was like the Raymond character in the Rain Main film, a true story about an autistic boy whose normal brother never knew him because he was sent a way to a home as a danger to this younger brother.

Except I didn’t get sent away to a home. I had numerous serious woes and was left laying around the house reading children’s fiction, never washed.

I put her on a longe line or her child harness and and had her “play horsie” not realizing that it offended her dignity. As I didn’t have any. We played cards– by gin rummy 500, “Spite n Malice”–i think my friend at Kent School made up the name. I don’t remember now how you play it. Claire enjoyed that she could ace me at that every time.

my favorite song takeaway from Harvard is “Games People Play” by the GoGos: “…jealous games people play…How does it feel?”

and from the 90’s: Wilson Philips “Hold On For one more day”. and a blast from the past: Cat Stevens:

recently quoted here: “oh, baby, bay it’s a wild world. Hard to get by just upon a smile girl…”

All of these songs would a been key to both of us if she had been willing to be friends later in life as I always expected but she had it good as a spoiled brat and I was perpetually on the outs.

so, she wasn’t eating and wasn’t growing and they were scared to death.

then suddenly a babysitter discerned that she was having an issue with her vision.

so, after over a decade of spinning their wheels on infant torture of me they suddenly had this way sympathetic cause, like in the film “My Left Foot”–about the kid in England who was paralyzed except for his left food and showed he was in there by tapping out a word with his foot–a true story.

it applied to both of us but my issues were embarrassing and spoke ill of them.

the therapist at the practice where I am trying to get reestablished, took their view that it wasn’t worth time and money to invest in me further as supported their desire to have me put away fir lice, in other words put away at Wernersville as criminally insane.

oh I also used to arm wrestle her not knowing that it harmed her and then she arm wrestled me at Springstone Hollow as an adult (supposedly) after I had been at the state hospital. I was so weak.

I also sent her a bunch of penny candies and a pair if “Ckiffie Bitch underwear from the Harvard

I also sent her a bunch of penny candies and a pair of “Cliffie Bitch” underwea

r from the Harvard Co-op

thinking

of course for me, it was the lesion to the left of my nose obviously pressing on critical nerves in my face as I went into a meltdown after that–after getting it removed– for two years. Recently.

oh yes, and for me it was obviously about infant torture, this was so dropped and forgiven a long time ago but the cover-up is a problem and the skin is the first line of defense against the elements and intruders. Hence my super-weak boundaries! And just today I suddenly realized it about dishwashing and showering, I HAVE HYDROPHOBIA! It is such an ordeal to do either of those things.