nccotus

somewhere along the way I got the idea that it was cool to have a relationship on a psych ward.

worse still, i got the idea it was good to get involved with your psychiatrist.

it started with Dr. Rodenberger who was so angry with me for leaving Wernersville State Hospital–I packed my stuff and got on the bus and left!–and then missing a psychotherapy appointment.

I was 10 minutes late for the appointment with him, thinking it was an hour long appointment. I had trouble getting up that morning.

I said something to my mother that she probably repeated to him that she oughtn’t to have. I was in trouble and desperately needed his help. I was nervous about the appointment. At that time I had trouble expressing such feelings. My mother always got there first and put prejudicial things out there ahead of me. At that time I couldn’t do anything about it and regularly watched my castles in the sand crumble.

until I had Ian. At that time it needed to turn around; and didn’t. That is my Hopkins lawsuit.

so, back in the 80’s, she compromised my appointment with Dr. Rodenberger, one way or another. He was furious with me for also being late to the appointment and I was on my way back to Wernersville at that point which was exactly the issue. I left because I had a problem there that I needed help with.

I was so hurt.

I resolved it by framing a fantasy that he wanted me to marry him as I drove home down the old Pricetown Road back to Mertztown crying inside.

a few weeks later I was back on the psych ward and it took two seconds for Rotenberg–the Chief Psychiatrist–a different doctor–to slate me for commitment back to Wernersville, i was declined for services of a social worker.

in other words I was railroaded back to Wernersville. It was bewildering to me what was happening to me. Today, looking back, I would guess that my mother and father were involved in how it was done.

so, next time around, I was coming out of the Hopkins Hospitalization in 1994 and Lipsey came to me as I lay down in my room resting in the townhome in Germantown, MD, and asked me whether I wanted him in bed with me or Taube, my local psychiatrist???!!!

at that tine I was a pretty slim young woman.

I picked Taube!

and formed a vicious masturbation based affair with him for the two or so years that we lived there.

I dropped it and so did he! When Alex and I moved to Florida in late 1996.

I dropped all the meds, I had put on 50 pounds.

after that I fell head over heals in love with my psychotherapist in Florida.

idk

I asserted that it was an education in love which is probably true!

it was never sexual.

I quit masturbating.

that was my chief psychological need. To quit this.

so these days I am sex free and loving it.

no hassles.

Jesus is my home wherever I am.

it’s Christmas.

so, i now have two psychiatrists!

I offended one of them at this practice a few years ago but still it was better to return there rather than try to approach someone new in the condition I am in.

7 years ago before that lesion was removed from my face I was still in the habit of sexualizing things in general and especially a psychiatrist.

this psychiatrist is physically disabled and a very special person and I was nuts to approach him as I did back in 2018. At that time it was the only way I had to go to a doctor.

but as I moved through that time I got the picture not to mess with this person and dropped it. I was very ill at that time as I was in recovery from the Lamictal overdose.

I was not able to explain to him that I had the habit of getting people involved and also that anybody who tried to help me would catch it from my family, I fell deeply in like with this person at first sight. He caught it right away about the childhood reading being a serious health and psychological issue for me. Also skipping up to the present, he had the medication adjusted just right, it amazed my mind!

so, enough of sex and psychiatry it need no longer apply.