nccotus

here is your author.

flat broke.

waiting on a pack of cigarettes.

losing weight. Fasting through the power of God as I can’t do it on my own: 50 lbs to lose by this time next year. Have been trying to do this since the 90’s.

an image from the home I left 5 months ago.

so many things are changing and proving through.

at this time it’s about money, one of life’s oldest questions, as far as I can see. Where does money come from? I have always had a roof over my head and food to eat and clothes to wear; but not enough money to control my destiny or help my son.

I was in a similar situation in the late 80’s when I was about to meet my husband. Spinning my wheels in abeyance in my mother’s garage wanting desperate to quit smoking. So I threw the pack of Marlboro Reds at the interior garage door and went out to buy Marlboro Lights. When I met Alex a couple of weeks later he was smoking Marlboro Lights.

Everything seemed to fit.

I so appreciated that SSDI paycheck. And some money that my father technically owed me that compensated when Alex got let go from his job, And the 500$ from the German friend as a wedding gift that helped to pay for the immigration attorney. We always had what we needed and my father helped us to get the beautiful Acura Integra, ’92 car of the year. I freaked him out sometimes over expenditures but he would up with an excellent credit rating.

but, I also had Medicare. So, I was able to cover my medical costs, my smoking. And some other costs incident to my illness and and disability. And this remains true today,

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but, as I was about to say, i remember about how I said to myself, back in the 90’s, about Harvard roommate S, that if I lived through her influence over me I would be a better person for it! Whenever it was that I shared that with her, after that, she literally did not appreciate it. It is the same with my sons woman friend here today. I appreciate the serious help here she has gotten into the roots of my smok7ng addiction and call2d it all off where warranted. I do intend keep smoking, it is one of my few pleasures. But it needed to be radically downsized over where it used to be 3, even 4 packs a day.

I will be trying to keep it to be 1 pack a day but am able to limit it to vaping at times as necessary.