nccotus

I came back to it yesterday in a real way for the first time since it happened about 2 years ago (?).

I got stuck perseverating over a bit of dog poop that I missed when I went out to take one of the dogs out for a walk (the one who was abused in South Philly). I didnt realize that I had a tissue and could have picked up and instead went to collect it when I took her out for a second walk.

it all blew up into a battle between the dogs over preferential treatment.

this morning they each got a touch of prefential treatment in her or his own way (including the kitten.)

The perseverating over the poop had me disgusted. And the shit hit the fan when my son came home late to find that one of the dogs had urinated on his bed.

it was all about a birthday party with my seldom seen friends and relatives that I opted out of (I just don’t go out to restaurants any more). But my son attended along with my nephew. I sense that it was not altogether succesful but resolved as understood as such to be a Lipsey work as he tries to upend this lawsuit in the aftermath. The main issue supposedly being that I couldn’t possibly survive that body bag incident socially.

(I was beaten up and left as dead in a body bag from a psych ward in Reading in 2023 and then was returned to the psych ward, was released to a home fighting for my life for 17 months and finally my son took me back home to his new place here West of Philly where I have been scrambling to push through this lawsuit and stay living.

so, I was rescued by a dog, similarly to when they left me in the snow for 5 days from another psych floor in Reading,in 2020. I never had a dog in my life before but now I have two to care for and it is a joy. I was strictly a cat person and hated dogs for the nature that leads them to kill a cat.

but I do see that they are truly man’s (or woman’s) best friend.

a person without a dog-loving nature comes to harm someday. It took this girl dog’s trauma so plain to see in her eyes when she trusted me for me to be freed from my own trauma. The other girl dog is more subtle and quiet but broken because of her harmed leg.

I had to budge off of Kitten (the cat, a male) and let these two dogs into my heart, and be finally free from the body bag and the near death it entailed on top of all the other near deaths. It was all roiling through me in a way that I didn’t understand but now do. I thought I had to die because of the string under my tongue being cut. But now I see it differently. I am still a useful person. I was able to reach this poor dog.