nccotus

“The Lord can do whatever He wants.” –my favorite quote of me.

my troubles seemed insurmountable.

but my son has argued me out of a lot of the places where I was stuck perseverating over bad moments between him and me and other places as well and I am slowing gaining more normal functioning.

I dont know much about Tourettes Syndrome as I have not yet been formally diagnosed and treated for it, but I will be seeing a new provider this coming week for a fresh start. It appears that you can train yourself off the perseverating to an extent once you recognize what it is.

Like when I stayed up all night in Florida resisting the urge to buy a couch on line. It was the end of my years of errant online shopping.

the lower GI issues are largely controlled and I just have to live with the urinary dysfunction.

but I have gained resiliency and versatility that I never had before the onset of my serious illness at age 21. Tasks, even when difficult or painful are a pleasant challenge as I gain understanding from those who are my caregivers and companions where before I was regarded as a nasty being who wouldn’t accept her diagnosis of schizophrenia, paranoid or otherwise, as fostered by Dr. Simpson at Hopkins.

The Luvox recently added to my meds, an anti depressant used for OCD, has changed my life. Similarly the plastic surgery to remove the lesion on my face, a lump next to my nose, in 2021.

I was a childhood reader and lacked character formation as such, no routine, no real norms, lived in my mother’s England in her head while weathering New Jersey public grade school.

so, over the last 5 years since her death, I have become human.

the brain damage from overdoses and atrophy from laying around on psych wards notwithstanding.