nccotus

So, yes, I got the string under my tongue cut by a dental ex-ray tech in 2016. And went into half lives after that, as the damage proved through. I have learned to compensate for this and don’t think of it much. But the damage persists as I wrote in my last post. For instance my teeth are falling out and I am afraid to see a dentist.

my finger tips are numb for two reasons. I read in a book a long time ago that the “older” antipsychotic meds can do that to you. Then, I had a bizarre experience over a minor overdose that turned out to be a disaster. I couldn’t crap and had to pull feces out of my ass and after I got out of the hospital, at home in my apartment i got very cold and it felt like my fingers and toes were retracting and my eyes went funny; and then I was jumping up and down to stay warm; and my larger, right breast dropped hard and “broke”–hard to explain but it lost sensitivity. Years later, I have to pour it into the cup of my bra.

and I have butter fingers. It’s impossible to close zipper up zip-up plastic bags in the kitchen, for instance. Every task is a challenge.

Also, I was walking on broken bones in my left foot after my son was born. Because of the sprained left hip or pinched nerve in California and the presumed slipped disc in Maryland. Finally I slipped and slid on the snow when I was living at the home recently and broke a bone in my left foot, I sensed that she found further damage but didn’t go there.

I was deemed a paranoid schizophrenia and nobody would talk to me.

Finally my PCP in Florida got an x-ray when my head started pulling to the left and they did find damage to my spine and a pinched nerve in my neck.

I probably have some Tardive Dyskinesia also from the older antipsychotic meds specifically “pill-rolling”–rubbing my fingers together as if rolling plls between them.

I have partially lost my sense of smell from sitting in my parents oil and gas fumed garage to smoke back in the 80’s before I met my husband. Makes it hard to cook. Made it hard to care for an infant.

Gained 50 pounds from Depakote after the crack-up in Maryland after the stay at Hopkins and was never able to lose it.

So all this pain and no pleasures.

No sex–damaged clitoris.

no alcohol, doesn’t taste good on these meds.

food is obligatory– can no longer go out to restaurants. I am a sloppy eater.

I have my cigarettes and of course I come under flack for that.

yes, I am a fragile container and live for Joy in the Lord!