nccotus

I finally realized that all this bitter pain and confusion since 2018 has been about about my brothers suicide and the uncertainty surrounding it, followed by my mother’s untimely demise.

I got so crazy!!!

it came to be about ALIENS!!!

sort of like the Irishman in that UK film back in the 90s who fell in with an Ice cream truck business that turned out to be run by the Irish mafia;when his love match suddenly left him.

I was so insane! They were threatening to put me back at the state hospital as per her death bed promise.

The fear of this was enough to make me appear commitable! As I struggled to cope with my feelings about my brothers death (or was he still living? Was it it a fake?)

I finally understand now that he is gone ; dead. I will never see him again.

instead I am following a proactive play as commandeered the other day through a movie I saw late Sunday night, “the United States vs Billie Holiday.” She communicated with me in my mind the next morning as from Heaven endorsing my playbook to help Blacks. A brief interchange. A work I lost a long time ago because of Obama. I would do it differently today. Understanding better about Blacks in America. u had that song running through me all day yesterday. “…bitter…crop…”

this appears to interfere with my lifelong work to be there for my son only, a dilemma U am trying to resolve as we speak.