nccotus

what you do in your head matters

Jesus said that if you look at somebody else’s woman lustfully it is the same as doing it to her in actuality.

I finally realized that it was criminal child abuse what my father did to me ALL MY LIFE in his head.

he tried to make it real when I was 17 and was declined and I’ve been in his shit box ever since.

of course he did do it actually once when I was 13 and got me pregnant and forced me to get an abortion telling me it was a DNC and popped me off to a boarding school on the Appalachian trail in the middle of nowhere and practiced forced forgetting. I didn’t wash or eat properly or dress properly and continued to OD on reading and became a little old man inside my head.

that’s the extent of it with my father as far as I know.

it matters what you do to a person inside their heads.

He assassinated people psychologically at work if they crossed him. Told me the tales.

I remember when I was alone in the horrible apartment in Clearwater around 2011 and he moved to rape me in my mind and I was thrown to the bed and got up and fled to the corner of the room until it passed and then hit the bed and passed out desperate and exhausted and slept in a sick heavy bad thrall. I was just turning 50.

so, I started out life reflecting his bad nature but learned better. Oh, how I hurt people. At the state hospital I learned to do better; or started to. It has been a b sick sorry journey since then.

I started to pick up religion there which helped me on my course (anything before that was lip service; but I did have the ethos from Kent School and from Harvard after the post-Advocate suicide act in ’83. I recognized Jesus intellectually only but at Wernersville State Hospital it came to be about the cats and the “cat-god” and from their I began to develop spirituality.

making way to meet and marry Alex of Clan Chattan.

oh woe, the Hopkins Lawsuit will be sued and won.