nccotus

so much crud has buried me for the longest time but the Lord has cleared it off of me and, literally, I can see again. And the weird OCD has returned to its older more innocent form.

My back suddenly healed! After Ian was born, I went around saying that I felt like I had “bees in my back”! Where they stuck that epidural needle in my spine when my leg was spasming and they flipped me over and forced it down, I couldn’t breathe or move and they left me there like that for 1/2 an hour saying “Rest for awhile.” And then it was time to deliver the baby, who almost died. And so did I, which nobody understood.

So, after that we remained a mother son act for the longest time. My former sick OCD went into abeyance and became internalized. Startle responses triggered painful and unpleasant posturing. My unconditioned reflexes got conditioned. Some of this had already been appearing. In California I was afraid to think about my heartbeat in case it stopped. I stopped poised in midstep at a gas pump for a full minute or more. In California you could do that but back East it was all automatically suppressed and appeared stubborn and deliberate. And my parents claimed that it WAS stubborn and deliberate. They were so out of touch at that point and had no business running things and I DO NOT KNOW why Alex stepped out of it and Iet them have their will when it was a matter of life and death for him to step IN.

obviously AT&T and Arthur Robin were a party to this somehow. That’s where I’m going with stuff like this now. Automatically. Then, there’s the 2 BILLION Alex-Hopkins lawsuit which I don’t know much about; I js know it’s there.

His painful loss over having to make me his wife as it played out.