nccotus

Always a bad move

about infant torture

yes, a good deed never goes unpunished.

i lost control of my bodily moments in my rage and agony over the de facto torture in the ICU where they clamped on a catheter because I kept trying to pull it off because it was hurting so bad. I must have had a UTI. I all but died of the pain. Then they put me at Wernersville State Hospital in a ghoul mode where I woke up after awhile as in a spring time, such a beautiful place. Months later I was back at my mother’s place tapering off the meds as ordered by my doctors and something terrible happened. I started to freak out. My mother stepped into my space and I lost it. I was kicking and hitting in her general direction yelling “you mother fucker you mother fucker”

i see now that, in the one hand, this was a good by her in putting me at Wernersville any way she was able not going unpunished; at the same time inhering in this was the rage and agony of infant torture by her coming to the fore. And that she would have taken it that way

the Lord works in mysterious ways

as when Shrensel in Summit NJ dragged this stuff out of me at a stupid moment in a stupid way and then ditched the case in to a CHILD PSYCHIATRIST. Knowing he would cover her work. I became suicidal at that time and moved through psychiatric offices for the rest of my life suicidal and inconsolable for the rest of my life

today, I am no longer suicidal. Suicide is one of the more stupid moves you can make in life. I was addicted to the thought from an early age in the most unfortunate way. I finally got over it. Still working on getting over the 2016 overdose. The problem is when you fail you are left damaged. Failing is winning but you can be left compromised.