nccotus

it replaced a horrific fantasy life that doesn’t bear explaining that grew out of the horrific ICU sexual torture exierience.in ’86.

that ghoul has finally met with Jesus and everything is changing 39 years later.

Alex had me whisper elaborate soft core porn fantasies starring me. It was quite painful having to crane my neck up to his ear and deliver the words just as he wanted to hear them. But I adored putting on the lingerie and heels. Then I would go off on the fantasies lying around in bed when he was at work. He had no idea how I loved him.

we we’re always fighting.

but the food held us together throughout our married life.

even at the bitter end he was feeding me home cooked pad Thai curry when I could do nothing at all.

after Wernersville State Hospital I lost my taste for most foods but I loved his cooking and we enjoyed take out Chinese and pizza. I loved supermarket shopping with him and whipping up tasty meals. He was a foodie and I was one in the making. We had peace over this throughout our lives together.

the problem was that Ian was upchucking his food due to lifelong stomach and intestinal woes as we happily enjoyed our meals!

i will be continuing to do penance and make atonement for the pain and horror of Ian’s walk down those years at Bellewood Ave.