nccotus

abbyhillonline just slapped Barack Obama in my last post.

the upshot? A major unraveling of my heart soul and mind that leaves my humblest moments on the table.

the victim of a persistent clitoral erection because of a de facto vicious deed by a college lover who probably meant to marry me someday but never got around to it. He was trying to get me to have an orgasm and did something to my tricky clitoris that was waiting for the right person. He did something to me with his tongue that left a nerve out of order

we dated for two years after that.

today i prayed the joyful mysteries rosary and asked the Lord to sort out my sexuality and he did. I finally undid this relationship in my heart mind and soul seeing where it ought not to have happened and where to get off. We kept it going for social reasons that ought not to have pertained. I was devastated when it ended.

one of his signature songs was “you gotta be cruel to be kind…”. I just sent it to my son. I have been loused up by this person over the years by not being able to end the relationship in my mind. This is true of so many relationships from that period in my life. I was a student at Harvard, this was in the 80s. So many of them—all of them—went on to powerful and prestigious places in life and I was stuck fighting in a dying marriage dying myself fighting for my sons life. It would have helped a lot if the college boyfriend had let go. He said, I will also keep a soft spot in my heart for you” which was not all that helpful. For my dignity.

so, I became Abby hill online and a spearhead in the mental hill industry fighting for change thee. And proactively pro Black. Which everybody does. And more recently pro alien.

the issue is pain. I can’t get any relief. But now it’s out on the table. So there is HOPE