nccotus

the Lord works in mysterious ways…

“A baby changes everything…”

in Buffalo, NY in November of 1983 I gave birth!!!

a month or two later I scrawled out on paper, “childbirth is an incredible experience!” I had started to write again.

in the garage in Paa a few years earlier I had scrawled out on paper “I am too broken to write”

also, in Buffalo, my lackluster hair went curly!

childbirth is good for a woman.

and good for the baby. Except, he was shrouded in plumes of smoke.

we both almost perished in childbirth. But with the help of modern medicine we lived.

we suffered atonement for two siblings who were lost to abortion and a child who I lost at 13 not even knowing it. I was too young to understand why I was sent off to boarding school and the rest that happened.

alex was forced to take responsibility. It was a green card marriage and a green card baby. How could Lipsey have been so insensitive. It took a malpractice to galvanize me about the realities that were going to pertain for my son. That was the kick off. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t malpractice. I just have to accept that Florida was the ticket. For his temperament and health needs. We had carte Blanche there. Anything goes. It was almost the death of me. Finally I got us back to safety here in PA. It did not feel that way for a long time. There were some beautiful qualities to his life in Florida but it was all coming to an end.

all this time I so missed California and wished I could have stayed but at the time it felt like I had to go. It’s so different there now. It used to be pristine and pure.

Ian is well now. I couldn’t have asked for a better son.