nccotus

in the end my case will go down as one of the worst GI cases on record.

started as undiagnosed eating disorder in high school.

actually even in childhood I was driven to eat plates of confectioners sugar and bags full of of sugar candy purloined from the shop in town.

in high school I fasted from all starch products for a year after a Lenten promise. And then I suffered a combination of anorexia and blue Mia, my own OCD eating disorder fueled by being afraid to take lunch when the boys were on the girls campus. And afraid to go to Church on the boys campus on Sundays.

in college I ate dinner regularly but counted calories. I budgeted calories and counted them forward to the next day. I used saccharine in my coffee and only drank zero calorie drinks.

I was taxing my poor stomach and lower GI system. Liquid diarrhea in the Q-house dining room.

years later this was revisited as trying to contain this issue when I couldn’t shit at all. I asked a doctor what to do (this was in Florida starting in 2003) and she said to sit on the toilet every day until you go so I started to do that. Retroactive toilet training. Now it is somewhat back in order.

a doctor in Allentown took an interest in my case as he saw my mother in the waiting room. He linked it to sexual abuse.

In recent memory in fact for the past two weeks I suffered one of the worst lower GI woes EVER. Used a laxative product that lodged in my butt because I fell asleep and I was in constant pain for a week and it still comes back at times. There have been other bad issues but this was the WORST.

one was when my mother swung around as I was on my way up to the bathroom hitting me with her bag and saying something about “dihht blockers.” (That was her accent for “dirt.”). It blocked me from being able to shit and in my rage I was blocked permanently off of a situation with my bowels that would have found a better way of reprieve. It was the kind of thing she would do to me leaving me with uncertainty. She was talking about shoe inserts.

I made the worst suicide attempt in 2016 over GI woes. I was at the end of my rope. I had 20 laxative products. I went through a cycle of taking laxative products after four days without a bm. Then I’d be up all night with liquid diarrhea in an apartment where the downstairs neighbors hated me. I flushed the toilet a hundred times at night.

My doctor was situated right around the corner and I was in her office regularly crying.

Finally I fled to a new living situation. My mother helped me get into a very nice trailer park home. I made a serious suicide attempt that very night. My first day there. It was Thanksgiving Day.

I was just so paranoid.