nccotus

about the ugly “m” word

my masturbation was atypical.

it took a saint to relieve me of it. I call him jz.

they threw me out of Hopkins for it. That and the smoking. Both were features of my illness.

I was sexually damaged and used quasi-masturbation to relieve me of the persistent unpleasant clitoral erection. Couldn’t get to sleep at night without it. Especially on a psych ward. The roommate at Hopkins asked for a room change. Nothing was said to me. Yes masturbation is embarrassing, but, as with other facets of sexuality in my case the issues were neurologically engendered. In other words grow up. And take the bull by the horns and wrestle it by the horns.

it all led to me dancing naked with a hapless med tech while pouring out liquid diarrhea and falling down with c-dif at the Lehigh Valley Hospital back in 2018 and invited to never return. People thought I did that kind of thing on purpose. Because of the kind of things Lipsey and Simpson said about me way back then, too ignorant to know the difference between a whore and a mother in desperation.

dear GOD please help me.