nccotus

I was never allowed to express anger.

because of this I developed rage reactions.

when I returned home to New Jersey after the Harvard Advocate Presidency my mother called me “arrogant.”

in fact I was very angry and depressed. The “arrogant” word, together with a bad older anti psychotic med, drive me to cut my wrists. I was just so exhausted and in so much pain.I didn’t know how to do it right. I bought straight razors and cut sideways and couldn’t get them to bleed, I cut into the nerves and permanently damaged them. I always hurt after that. I had just turned 22. I stayed in a sick suicidal thrall all my life. At age 63 I have finally stopped hurting in this regard. My hands have come free.

But, later in life the anger and rage reactions combined with errant startle responses to create a bizarre condition including shooting pains in my head combining with spasms all over me and I have become such a mess.

I am happy to maximize my pain free moments especially relating to fixing things that got broke fir Ian with me as his mom, can you imagine?!

i hope to live for another 10 years in a safer situation.