nccotus

all of my life since birth and especially since age 5 I have been taxed and troubled by neurologically engendered problems with my sexuality. The lesion on my face pressed on nerves and hampered my basic reflexes such as stretching, kissing, yawning, suckling, as a baby and this continued into my interactions socially and physically down into puberty adolescence and adulthood. I did some bad things among my peers that I didn’t understand that caused me to withdraw into the world of reading at a very young age. My mother just let this happen. At age 5 my brother kneed me in the crotch, damaging some nerves; maybe I had a hairline fracture. There was something wrong and I was the epicenter of this as it radiated through the family and nobody was able to explain to me why.

I was away at boarding school. That’s all I knew. I as the happiest when I was on a bus to the Port Authority in NYC between home and School.

in later life as I was held as a shiz and didn’t appreciate this I pointed fingers myself as things got worse and worse for everybody. The truth got more and more unpalatable because of all the coverups.

I don’t know what else to say.

I have organic personality disorder. That IS at the center of my lifelong disability. There are other factors. OCD can be a psychotic disorder. My father has it. Obviously PTSD is going to inhere after all these years in an unfriendly psych stay.

thats it. I am not a pervert. I have involuntary sexual reflexes for neurological reasons. This was terrifying for decades but here at this home I have finally been able to downtrain them through the Lord’s reassurance.

the whole family is rife with conditions and disorders but the paranoia about my sexual issues and what might have needed to be said about them caused a catastrophe because even the top flight doctors at Hopkins were too immature and impractical to take this bull by the horn and come up with some answers that were so ripely overdue. In such a common sense way. I had lost all common sense and THEY needed to be the ones to restore it.