nccotus

got a haircut

my worst fears are set aside

thought I was irrecoverable from the lesion surgery

prayed to the Lord this morning for a reprieve from my ugliness in the wake of the metamorphosis from the “wart-mole” lesion surgery. I thought that there would be a cosmetic phase but no such phase seemed to be in the works. It was like my face collapsed into pudding.

but a lovely stylist at a walk-in hair studio did the most lovely job on my scraggly hair and now I look like an ordinary human being!!!

so far so good for today!!!

all of this came about through my early work on a policy for the New Year which is to pray the rosary daily. I have been “imitating what it contains and obtaining what it promises” and finally knowing what that means! And “seeing Mother Mary at every crossroads.” The prayer belongs to me now where before I felt as an alien to it. I have the beautiful rosary beads set given to me by Sister Marie my baptismal counselor. I used to pray it all by myself. My father brought it to me here. The building superintendent fixed it for me. Now I am receiving the help of utube Catholics to pray alongside of for help with this arduous prayer and a sense of fellowship.

as for the photo, on a different note. My skin is harmed from childhood cutting. I picked at my face, not realizing the harm I was doing. Later in my life I developed severe psychotic bug phobia and was picking at my skin all over but including my face, tearing at it. It looks like I have blackheads everywhere but it is scar tissue.

it is a horrible plight that nothing can be done about.

I do intend to see a dermatologist if I ever get out of here.

on another different note I had eating disorder issues that completely controlled my waking life that not even for one moment in 42 years if MH involvement got even a moment’s attention. In high school I had a combination of anorexia and bulemia marked by OCD. I was completely obsessed by dieting. Ultimately I weighed over 200 pounds in South Florida married to a husband who was a person of extremes who adored his sister who was far heavier. I am finally weighing somewhat less again.

I used to raid the dining hall all by myself.

I had boundary issues…