nccotus

I have been in a sick sorry sexual vortex since the first time I ran away from Wernersville state Hospital in 1986.

I was hiding in an open shed full of lawn furniture put away for the Spring. Waiting for darkness.

A couple came in and proceeded to make love. I was only a few feet away. I could not see them but I could hear them,

He called out her name in the throes of passion.

”Oh Janet!”

I have been stuck in that moment down all these years and I am finally free. Just shared it in my head with a kind fellow resident here when on a related subject.

it set me up for everything that followed in a way I didn’t see or know until now.

First, David was easily able to put out a line on me to get me to go to bed with him. We did it in the grass. I steered into that curve and made him my boyfriend.

Then, Alberto the Latino street prophet showed up a couple of years later looking like an Arab with a sheet wrapped about him. I was that confused and ignorant. I thought he was an Arab and didn’t know that he had a relationship with another White woman like me on another ward. And didn’t easily take that info when people tried to make it plain to me.

the two of them showed up in my heart, soul, and mind when I was with child on a psych ward in Southern California a few years later refusing class C medication for the safety of the baby. I was in four point restraints. That was the last I ever knew of them.

It all started with Janet and her lover that fateful evening at Wernersville.

I ran away twice. The second time the doctor put me on Navane, an older antipsychotic medication “for structure.” That has been my battle ever since.