nccotus

there is danger in suppressing a habitual smoker.

in my lifetime, again and again I was a 3 pack a day smoker and a desperate one,

the Lord taught me through this the danger of making a vow.

after a New Years incident when I was 17 I swore, in the presence of one of my brother’s friends, to kill myself by smoking myself to death by the time I was 35. I was in the grip of a Satanic presence that I was too ignorant to understand. Something horrible had happened,

I went back to Kent school a changed and desperate human being in the way to Harvard.

when I graduated I was helplessly chain-smoking three packs a day and desperate to stop but I couldn’t. So I asked for non smoking roommates. Oh my Jesus.

They didn’t know what to make of me. I don’t know why they didn’t call the university police.

years later, at the state hospital I was chainsmoking three packs a day again desperate to stop and my mother was supplying two cartons at a time.

in Florida decades later I had a heroine-like addiction. Four packs a day. My son had to go to boarding school but that was beautiful for him but he had to tolerate me on the weekends.

in other words my smoking was out of control as the type of smoking on the downside as I referred to in my last post. I welcomed being taking away from it at times on psych wards. Although that was so painful.

nowadays I don’t tolerate that well.

so, my son was harmed by my smoking in a way that is painful for me to see; just as it is painful for me to look back in me at Harvard for what I didn’t see back then about the smoking. I do care about how my roommates were harmed but obviously I am more concerned about my son who probably has COPD at an early age and could fall pray to so many ills through secondary smoke throughout his youth.

if my family had not disdained me for my smoking that they themselves endorsed at the age of 13– they caught me at it and said that it was my choice to smoke, they just wished that I had told them. If they had honored that I would not slipped into the murky area of out of control smoking. When they made me smoking in the garage where I got so sick when they could have given me the family room to stay in where I could have smoked without bothering anybody. They had taken a public anti-smoking stance. Where my life hung in the balance.

I was desperate to quit but couldn’t.

all these years later it’s about the wart-mole lesion. I smoked without enjoyment. I took all the damming but didn’t even get the benefit of the pleasure in smoking! Nowadays it’s different. I smoke about a pack to a pack and a half a day, in other words, I am an ordinary smoker and nobody comes to harm through it.

But I am constantly wary of disrespect to my son.

but Smoking is still a beautiful thing. Consider the list of possible fatal side effects of current medicines and medical treatments!, for one thing!

and consider alcoholism and liver damage and drunk driving and the mess an alcoholic makes of his or her life.

smoking just has to be properly controlled and we have gone a long way to do that but in excess! No more! We do NOT need to eliminate smoking entirely!

it is a beautiful pleasure. We need to stop hating on smokers! Because people do! Enough with the taxes! It’s enough!