nccotus

for once and for all

I believe they forgave the smoking because they knew I was a brilliant being and all but homeless.

but couldn’t forgive it about the kitten.

the British Lord in our class took a liking to Sally and brought a kitten that they found to Sally who didn’t really take responsibility. She ought to have taken it directly to the MSPCA.

He was desperate and suckling at everybody’s necks. I took him to bed with me. I was desperate to help him. In my ignorance and naivety I put him to my breast thinking to give him the mothering he so was seeking for. I was NOT trying to sexually abuse him. It probably deeply confused him and I am very sorry that I did this.

I have said the rest at other times.

…

I have some perspective on this now, having written about it and set it aside for a few moments.

I was pre-Mackintosh: Clan Chattan: Clan of the Cat. There was a whole line of little grey kittens and cats who went a traumatic way. Similarly a whole line of orange cats. I am beginning to have peace in my soul over this. I was too sensitive as a young woman. Didn’t wash. Didn’t eat good. Always starving and filthy. I am reaching back to that little girl and helping her in a way nobody knew how to, it was the wart-Mike and the broken out, I went months without bathing or brushing my teeth. Rolled out of bed and picked up a book and read all day long. Alex didn’t know about any of this. I had bad thoughts and ideas about people outside of my books. I dreamed of the cats not fighting and coming together to lay together with me on my bed.