nccotus

he queered me three times

1. got me pregnant at age 13 and made me get an abortion to please my mother. Lied to everybody and said it was my brother. Blocked me so I would never even know it happened.

2. Queered my college applications by staging a quasi sexual incident that I couldn’t understand at the time. Came up to my room unasked and gave me a back rub and told me he could barely keep his hands off of me. I was horrified and never got over this. He told me he told my mother everything. So I couldn’t turn to her.

So much for college. I was so excited. Then, I didn’t care.

3. Actually there are hundreds of more times. He was a destructive force in my life. Obviously because of the rape at 13. I was already compromised at that age and not able to handle that. All he knew was to cover it up any way he could. I was sent to boarding school and moved out of my room to my sister’s room. She got my room with everything in it. I got a beautiful race horse that I couldn’t handle and lost the chestnut mare that I loved. (There was a riding program at Kent School.) I sat on the bed at Kent staring into space sicking out of classes. Then, Junior Year I got double 750’s on my SAT’s and read the Yale Insider’s Guide to Colleges and saw a way to a better reality.

so, here I am some 46 years later sitting on a chair in my room at this personal care home realizing that things have been better. With a tablet in my hands. My father notwithstanding, in other words, with or without my father’s errant plays, things have been better over time than they are now, And, regardless of his current machinations, which leave me spinning my wheels a lot. It has been confusing over the years how my father has played me using the higher ground to make me figure negatively in the public eye such as there was one for reasons I don’t even see now that I am aware of it.

I know that our family would have failed over the true report of my pregnant and abortion at 13. My belief is that parents really can’t give you a stone. It may feel like it at times but generally they do the best that they are able.

they gave me an education at one of the top boarding schools in this country and my father did support a Harvard education to the best of ibis abilities. I had some character issues that had to be addressed and have been.