nccotus

so, a couple of weeks ago the Lord showed me that I had disappointed Him.

it was the worst feeling I ever had.

because there was no go to.

I realized that He had turned His face from me months before that.

prophet no more.

I finally understood that He forgave me. Because I needed Him to. But he has not restored me as a prophet, I flirted around with that in my mind. I am not very sure of my standing any more in this life. Or where I am going to from here. It was so painful to hear His words. That He thought I would do better. That I didn’t stand up as He thought I would. That I turned out to be the same as anybody else, just wanting to be liked by the common purview. I disbelieved that it was really Him talking with me and thought it might have been an alien. Then, I gave up my moments playing in the dump and in the river with my brother as a child because it was socially unacceptable when it was vital to who I became and who I need to be right now.

I repented of this but it didn’t seem to help.

idk idk idk