nccotus

my mother always used to be about collections. About how young people gathered collections.

then, she moved me out of my childhood room with all of my collections still in it and gave me her room refurnished in shades of brown—the color for homeless people—or so I learned in my adulthood collections which included numerology and color psychology.

Claire took over my glass animals and stuffed animals and my deep closet selves full of secrets and I never saw them again.

in the last few days I have gone back there through the collecting of things through psychoanalysis as reflected in recent posts—mostly about children lost through abortion and finally recovered through grief work.

the last work to be done here is to challenge Claire, who is my sister, arguably, 8 1/2 years younger, who has been pursuing me over the loss of her marriage and her PhD. I know about the marriage. I am guessing about the PhD. I haven’t heard from her in recent years. I am assuming she got a terminal Masters in Geography based on what my father has said and what he has not said.

anything ill that happened would have been accounted to me.

I have fled from this person since 2018 when she invited me to die. After my mother’s death in 2020 (?) what it faked? she launched a will with my father to have me “institutionalized.”

I proposed to help her with her PhD. She refused a hug. I made a how many PhDs does it take to screw in a lightbulb joke because I was offended. And we were off and running down these last few years.

she just doesn’t quit.

turns out she was always like this about me and I just didn’t know it.