nccotus

things make more sense as you grow older.

i thought that I would never get over the pain of the abortions.

three is too many.

One is too many.

in the last few hours I have taken back my life from a world of pain at age 62.

It started with resupplying Jesus to a place where I lost him where I so despsrately needed Him when Ian was just a toddler. Something got away from me there that I never caught before but just did. It had to do with my first therapist being Jewish and blocking me from my faith life as both Christian and Jewish myself. I was at an impasse that didn’t move down all these years. I am reminded to trust in the Lord’s timing. And to sue Johns Hopkins Hospital in this regard.

i have had to manage my own psychoanalysis in the absence of appropriate care. And this has all come to a head today where I see how the three major impasses I have eperienced in my life (not the pshotherapist, thats different) reflect the three abortions. Through this understanding, I am finally released from the pain. I am able to know those kids’ spirits and energy and feel the sadness, grieve and let go. I will continue to work on this, knowing that it is for their souls.

in the meantime, i also recognize the positive structures that represent the joyful presence of my born and living child, Ian. All that I do and say here, for instance. And all that I do for his brothers and sisters also sustains him. I spent all my life preparing to meet his father and foster him him. To be exactly who and what he is today. Absent the Johns Hopkins malpractice. Which needs to be addresed. Now that everybody is herein out of danger.