nccotus

i was elected President for the year 1992.

this was a mistake.

whose mistake?

everybody’s.

it was suggested and then I ran away with the idea.

it was the end of life as I had known it.

Next thing I knew I was on a psych ward wirh scratched wrists feeling like an idiot.

couldnt even do that right.

the cover of the first issue of the Advocate in my year showcased a picture of two pigs: one for me, one for the Publisher, another outsider.

the second spotlighted me specifically: a sketch of a girl in a dress emanating squigglys to represent odors. I didnt pick up on any of this at the time.

the third issue was delivered to dining rooms instead of doorsteps and a copy landed on the couch in an office of the Advocate House marked up with threats and complaints. There was no fourth issue or rather the next board handled it; and there was no special issue unless they let Bill do his folklore issue.

so, yes, the Advocate was a pearl trampled by swine and that was me.

I OUGHT TO HAVE QUIT. I was waiting to be bailed out and nobody came to help.

the Publisher quit and the Dionysus quit.

somehow we got to the election for 1993 and had a really good turnout but I really blew it and Ive been reeling from rhe blow somewhere in my mind ever since. Not just that night but everything that led up to it as well as what went down.

i waa just a sweet, pretty little woman who wanted to be a writer. A closet intellectual at worst, failing out because of the mole-wart lesion and organic personality disorder. Not knowing it.

i finally understood tonight what happened all those years ago. I got my wires crossed when I sought counseling. I was looking for an excuse for my failure and the trouble I was in; while, simultaneously, I earnestly, indeed, desperately had, all my life, desperately sought answers about ne, What was wrong wirh me?

it wll turned ugly and I was compromised. Simultaneously also, I was called to Christ in a way that took 4 decades to complete. In the end, thats all that matters.