nccotus

in my family of origin it was about the almighty budget and the almighty wedding video; pertaining since Sunnyvale days. When we were in Silicon Valley and I was barely more than an infant.

they pull out the wedding video whenever they want to gloat. And the budget settles any difficult question. Unaltered for 60 years.

For me it is the almighty diagnosis.

i have been stuck on this since the malpractice at Johns Hopkins university Hospital psych ward in 1994.

i was there for “a fresh look at the diagnosis.”

instead I was lost in a permanent loop with no possible resolution. They get 10% cedit for observing that Major Depression was a serious component of my condition then and at other times in my life But Lipsey didnt stand by it. I was dying of it. The Nortryptiline, an antideptesssnt started to work a week or two after I left the hosoital. But there was no support for that diagnosis.

OCD needed to be diagnosed and wasn’t. It was what was clearly presenting and was the diagnosis following me from California. I was having serious issues functionining and needed a redirect to a neuroligist.

nowadays i diagnose myself in this mix-up.

my condition outpaces ordinary psych diagnosis. It’s all out there now. Obiously the “wart-mole” (the lesion that was removed from a sensitive area on my face in recent years) was a sugnificant neurological factor in my illness all my life.

Who woulda thought it?!!!

it was supposed to be like peeling the onion but instead it was all jumbled up how it happened over the years as I was left spinning my wheels in the mud trying to care for a young child.

okay, so the chief woe about me on the Hopkins floor was that I was habitually masturbating as always despite that I had a roommate–who asked for another room. Nothing was said about this.

it was a function of my sexual condition that needed to be addressed. Massive, numerous forms of sexual injury and also guilty feelings which were addressed somewhat years later in Florida but not in a safe way, But, at least I stopped masturbating. Please let this be known. Because I know that my father says I still do.

I am waiting for this glut to be resolved from a maelstrom back to sanity for me and also for Ian who gets taxed to the limit to be able to hold on for himself as all of this goes through the laundry to be squeaky clean for him as well as for me.

the point about the sexual issues is that there is a place for them now–with everything going on with LBTGQ–that there wasnt then and that at that level they needed to see it way back then.

my organic personality disorder is sexually basesd at least in part. Lipsey was literally arguing with my condition. He came in one day telling me he dreaded coming to my room 45 minutes beforehand.