nccotus

first of all, I am congenitally honest.

it is hard enough to keep track of the truth. I cannot formulate a lie.;

i remember the story of the little retarded girl sitting in a sports stadium with her mother afraid to move because her mother was embarrassed by her. Trying to act “normal” when she wasnt smart enough to know what that was.

just like me at Friendlys restaurant knocking over my chocolate milk. Or me at the community pool forgetting my badge. Or me never being able to find my shoes when we were supposed to be going out.

well, I used to lie a lot when I was young. It was Murphy family policy. Hard to tell the truth in s foreign country. American English was a foreign language. I was broken off of that after the disabling event (the incident in the ICU) in my 20’s. I was fed up with my familt’s lies and strove for the truth. I did not remember what had happened until four years later and it was all swathed in mystery even when I began to remember. Even today, I am only now realizing in a connscious and calm way that i was completely and permanently disabled by what happened in that ICU.

still, I am beginning to revover. Four decades later. My memory is coming back. I am losing the embedded OCD and I am becoming versatile with physical tasks that I havent been able to do; for the longest time or ever,

i was already disabled even before that. I already had organic personality disorder! As I have been saying!

the wart mole; and a broken pud.

and suspected infant torture.