nccotus

all of this woe started wirh a horrible “gestalt problem” that was happening in my mother’s horrible garage at Springstone Hollow back in the 80’s when I met Alex.

it came from a combination of factors.

Most of all lhe oil and gas fumes. The flies from the garbage bags dead in rhe window sill where I sat smoking in the garden chair that my mother put there for me.

but also the Tegretol and Haldol that I was taking irregularly without proper supervision.

i have written about this before but it was never so important. Because this is what is finally clearing after all but 3 1/2 decades. The feeling of my brains creeping up the back of my head as my thoughts tried to control my thoughts. At the time I called it OCD but couldnt find any comfort or relief.

a PCP in California called it “reactive anxiety,” which I took to reflect that it spread like a nuclear explosion affecting one thing after another. At that time it was so serious. And I was pregnant. I was there to get anti psychotic medicine which would be harmful to the bsby, i was planning to get an abortion. Not understanding the harm to both of us down the years; me and the baby as well. The car stalled as I tried to leave the premises but then I was able to go.

There was a Satanic presence in our rented hope aftet that. We were trying to buy a car.

we ditched the green Mustang convertible for a blue Acura Integra up on a pedastal and I conceived Ian.

i followwd this moment all my life never knowing what it meant.

so, recently, the condition has rebanded as “OCD sciatica” and has been healing.