nccotus

it was visited on me at the age of 17 by a college boyfriend who did something evil to my dysfunctional clitoris, trying to get me to come off. I had a slight thrall and after that I had to do myself every night to get relief.

then, after the clamped catheter experience in the ICU in ’86 I couldnt sleep at night, even on a psych ward with a roommate and 15 minute checkks, without masturbating. I had evil images to sooth my mind. It was one of the reasons they ditched me at Hopkins. Although they didnt say so.

in Florida, a beautiful therapist finally got me to quit. It took 7 years.

Finally, in desperation, i turned my sexual energy to the image of a cloud to make myself stop. After that, I succumbed maybe 30 times in this regard over the years. I have been almost completely clear of this awful sin since I returned to PA in 2012.

Then i realized that it was sinful to use the image of a cloud that way and I have been repenting and making atonement.

i am often accused of masturbation even today but this is the truth. I never really exoerienced a real orgasm. Those parts were damaged when I was very young and nowadays they are non functional through years of ill abuse.