nccotus

I was too exhausted and depleted by the time I got to Harvard to pursue a legitimate degree.

English lit felt like an “old shoe” comfortable to wear. An unfortunate temptation. There was a “non-honors option” for pre-Law and pre-Business students students particularly who did not need a focused course of academic prowess but rather a broad course of study. I was interested in becoming a writer so, maybe I should have taken the creative writing option but I shied away from that although i did enroll in the creative writing courses.

Then, I did something shocking.

I enlisted in the beginners computer programming course fall term Junior year and wrote an “expert” computer program that generated essays on input poetry, in other words, it broke down the language mathematically. I felt so guilty about this later. I was so torn by my mathematical prowess competing with my love of the language. I just had to blow my nose because it makes me tear up to think about this.

next thing I knew I was President (in other words Editor) of the undergraduate literary magazine with this guilt on my soul. It did not go well for me.

Here I am all these years later finally figuring all this out. Where I was in my mind. Without all of the relationship bull out of my head.

so, I butchered the language and butchered literature and proved it through by butchering the Advocate undergraduate magazine at Harvard for a year. That is my sin and my shame and then I got butchered myself. Finally able to let that go. 4 years after that, I was in the upsurge and met Alex and had a baby: the atonement child. Who has weathered all the butchering to be only made better.

people will take you down for your sins but Jesus will always pick you back up again.

through the mathematical modeling of language we now have language AI that makes it possible for this very post to be coming to you as it is today. And countless gazillions of other boons in this technocratic world that we live in. There are some negatives and some positives.

like my father’s “buried collector” that turned technological advancement along the course of developing the shrinkable IC based on the “bottom dollar”—in other words, it was cheaper than vacuum tube technology— there were pros and cons. But a super pro is this cell phone that I am typing this message in right now. The ultimate denouement of Bell Labs where he worked, i.e. Bell Telephone Laboratories.

…in retrospect, I realize in my rational mind that with with my “wart-mole” issues unattended and my damaged pud issues not understood I could never have succeeded as a literary writer as I so desperately wished and wanted, I so tried over the years…