nccotus

I always used to say to myself that what happened at Hopkins was the state of the art at that time and the lawsuit was to correct the industry.

I see it differently now.

Dr. Lipsey did something horrible to me by using my own words to phase me out. I have already recently pointed this out: how I said that a trigger could cause me to lose my thoughts in a critical moment and an entire situation could be lost— for instance, the whole hospitalization. He took me at my word and took away my stay there. Whisked it away and I was sent home without a whit of further attention. The entire stay was lost. It WAS the essence of my condition and was specifically what needed to be addressed. I realized then or shortly afterwards that it was related to the abortions and how they affected a condition I already had because of taking Tegretol and Haldol in a careless and unsupervised way in a desperate and unstructured situation living in my parents garage with a tiny room without a door. Before I met Alex and eloped out West.

it was a very desperate situation and Lipsey’s reaction was to complain to me about my condition saying that he dreaded to see me each day.

it was so horrifying what happened after that.

this has been written about in the past and I do not have the latitude to dredge it all back up in the scope of this post but, on a good note, I will put out there that there is ONE GOOD hospital that I have seen in recent years, the Horsham Clinic in Ambler, PA. I went there in a desperate condition and my condition was closely met and addressed.

They DID NOT “tune out cries for help.”

A part of my condition all along that was never even remotely addressed or even seriously discussed was serious PAIN.

shooting pains in my brain. 3 times in a split second. It still happens today although it is mitigated. It used to characterized my entire daily life as I struggled to raise a child. As Hopkins supposedly followed me.

For a while, when I was in an ambulatory COMA for four years after 3 weeks without sleep and was smoking four packs of cigarettes a day and not doing much else, I was taking SOMA, a muscle relaxant, after it was discovered that I had a curvature in my spine and a compression in my neck painful muscle spasms associated with this.

I always forget this part of my life while we were living in Seminole, Florida.

now it is all coming together as I write.

just today, I was looking back with perspective and realizing that I became seriously injured and disabled by the clamped catheter injury in 1986. I was so disoriented at the time that I wasn’t able to see it in perspective. I have been wailing about it all these years like the woman at the OVR program I went to in Florida who had been in a car accident who was being evaluated and just sat in the corner screaming all day long! Her diagnosis was organic personality disorder! It was like she was stuck in the car crash! I met another young woman like that at Horsham. I didn’t realize that I was the same!

now, through the power of God, I have gotten my head around these moments in the ICU here in West Reading back in the 80’s and I am in recovery and back among the living—somewhere in my mind where I still wasn’t— for the first time in 38 years.

so, basically I wound up being my own doctor in a system where negligence and passing the buck was was the rule. What I minded was how psych providers band together and will always guard another provider’s work. It did not go well for me as providers received the write-up passed along from the second Attending Physician at Hopkins, a Canadian woman, Dr. Simpson.

I am signing off in exhaustion now as I did then.