nccotus

I googled yesterday about my father being a “Sanctimonious asshole” regarding a problem I was having with my son’s girfriend.  I did it in last ditch desperation and met with sweet success and comfort.

I got a whole lot of posts about aging parents under the heading of AITI which I looked up:  it stands for “Am I The Asshole?” Which is how I always feel.

so, generally the “Cindarella Syndrome” involves a mentally ill mother who can’t handle the stresses of motherhood. In my family, my mother was diagnosed with depression and psychosis after weeks without sleep at age 24 but refused treatment and chose to sweep it under the rug with treatment for hypothyroidism for the rest of her life,

she had serious boundary issues, as I am able to interpret through my lifelong history of treatment for mental illness which developed as a foil for hers.

she mixed us all up. She encouraged promiscuity and got involved with our relationships. She encouraged masturbation.

meanwhile my father was also an unconscious abuser. Target abuse. He selected each of us for target abuse in a different way. He called it “object lessens” or “farming out the pain.” He had too much pain himself in other words.

It was all swept under the rug as a feature of his intellect.

All this was left behind in NJ with the AT&T anti-Trust break-up. I was dead out of the water and they refused me to come here with them from Boston. They were asked to take responsibility for me so they put me at the state hospital through a few easy steps that involved a lot of putting the cart before the horse and I was unable to dispute it at the time. Here I am 38 years later all but dead all along.

they used me for my parts.