nccotus

it started with a very very bad Thanksgiving dinner when I lost my shit and didn’t have anybody to tell me to take a shower.

obviously my mother should have. It was her house. She needed to offer me a set of clothes.

no Alex. He was the one who would have stepped in to tell me.

no Alex. A bad divorce, this must have been about 2015.

I made everyone sit through an entire evening with me with shit in my pants.

my brother was there with her super social woman friend from Hawaii. They didn’t know what to do. Neither did Ian, he covered.

it was THE WORST.

I kept a smile plastered in my face the whole time.

I was just so uncomfortable with my mother I couldn’t ask, and she did not offer.

Thanksgiving 2016–in other words, the following year—I attempted suicide. I realized now that this was all a set-up. All alone and paranoid in an empty new trailer Thanksgiving night, and my son was encouraged to give me legal hemp to smoke. Everyone in my family knows that that makes me paranoid. I downed a month’s worth of an anti-seizure ned, not understanding why the Lord didn’t stop me as he generally was doing at such times.

and I tried to call 911 but couldn’t find my phone charger.

These days I understand better how my father works.

my brother has been promised my death in this regard. Everybody is waiting in it.

Steve needs to understand now that he can relinquish his concerns about me and consider his own concerns about himself separately. It is plain now what happened to me and I am more comfortable with it myself. What used to be unmentionable no longer us. Organic personality disorder with a sexuality component is perfectly mentionable and therein manageable (see the Mr. Rogers film). It is a little embarrassing, my father is somewhat a prude not to be able to handle this better.

Annette is an a-hole for what she has said and done in this regard, I am only now aware if this like, today.

it is all about the serious Hopkins malpractice that things have played out in this disastrous fashion.