nccotus

I have heard it said that a woman has a fantasy of her husband.

Mine is that Alex was an FBI assassin.

He said such sweet words to me when we met.

I was unemployable due to the systemic damage from the incident in the ICU in 1986. Before that I had issues but I was able to sustain employment. He just didn’t understand.

he suggested that I could be a code breaker for the CIA. It was obvious to me when I looked back that he had some info about me in a way that I didn’t know about. Like that he knew about the language AI program that I wrote in college. He wanted that. And he wanted to hook up with my father. They fell in love at first sight.

This is all my fantasy of him. It continues.

like, I figured that I broke social code. I had the higher uppers in my pocket. I had the dress code. He went to work in California sporting the most beautiful ties and his first pair of of black leather shoes. I was dressing him for success. He went to his Y2K work looking like a Harvard applied math techie. He had the language of authority.

he succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. It wasn’t right at home. But he had his own form of mile high club. Fraternizing with the rich and famous in First Class traveling all over the country as he worked out of town. I wouldn’t have liked this but it delighted him.

in the end it all tanked. Because of the abuse to Ian because of this life style. The day to day reality was that Alex was drunk nor not present. And I was in a sick interior thrall of a serious GI problem and a related mental problem that completely derailed our family life from 2003 forward, Then, acute psychotic bug phobia was added for about 7 years. This was my daily experience as I struggled to help Ian, he went to boarding school. And then we returned to PA where I was able to step aside and let others help where I couldn’t. In a responsible community which did not exist in Florida. I took a trouncing of myself not really understanding. I have been going to a place in my head where I understand that Alex thought I was cheating on him with the divorce lawyer which is just silly; similarly he thought I was cheating on him with Feldman, also silly. Because of the gift of the Swarovski crystal oyster. Yes I knew about the aphrodisiac reference. I was just teasing him because everybody did. Tease him about his love life. I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU ALEX. I did have a passionate but chaste spiritual romance with Zydek but NEVER HAD PHYSICAL SEXUAL RELATIONS with any person other than a couple of mild skirmishes that I have already expressed to you and I am not about to put in writing here.

This misunderstanding has led to significant serious harm to me here. I don’t know how else to see this. It’s been one long horrible day since I stepped off of the plane here.