nccotus

”Hope, faith and love, And Love is the greatest of these…” (1 Corinthians 13; 1-13)

I was deficient in Love because of my sexual damage. The physical apparatus of human love was damaged.

I had a psychiatrist/therapist who treated me like a human being. He called me a psychopath! But at least he accepted me as a patient when none else would; and part of the human family. Probably because he was Jewish; and he had some issues himself. He was in his 30’s and still unmarried. Everyone always teased him about it.

We became very close. Meanwhile, I now know he was spreading horrible things about me.

but I have the cart and the horse back in place—after all these years. It was all so embarrassing!

But I look back and see the prophet maker in completely human terms!

He was Jewish—so am I! At that time I saw it lightly. Since then I have been able to see the pattern of abuse of me as a Jew in this regard.

I was in such sick, serious condition when I was admitted to his psych ward and I did some strange things. It was an acute care psych ward. He kept me for 3 months. There was a very weird moment with a storm and some thunderclaps and every one was alarmed. Or at least, I was! Everyone got out of there and they were paying people to stay.

He accepted me for follow-up care in his office. I had lost a lot of weight from being off my meds and then I put it back in again but he was stuck with me.

He truly cared about people. I didn’t talk to him about the sexual damage openly as I do today. He did so in a pejorative way. He assumed that I sexually abused my son. Which was NEVER TRUE!!! He came to harm through the fallout of my sexual damage and my inability to express physical forms of a mother’s love, help and healing which I so want to pour out on him today. But can’t. The lesion on my face is gone and I am so thoroughly being healed. In a way nobody could have predicted. Oh how I wish he could fly to my open arms to be held for his pain. For me to be fostered for this by ALIENS and him too!

still, I remain the prophet that God made me and I know that God will make plain to Ian the exact course for Ian that he needs to be healed, holy and safe in this horrific world wide calamity today.

Through Love.