nccotus

…that still matters…

my barely toddler son was left in his safety seat in the car in the same filthy garage where I all but lost my life confined there to smoke before Alex rescued me in the late 80’s.

as we celebrated my father’s ordinary birthday, in other words,it wasn’t a particularly special year.

I was expected to sit it out. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, in other words, I just didn’t get it. They expected me to take Ian and sit out the birthday dinner somewhere else up in the house as they partied and enjoyed the meal. As I would have done once upon a time.

I just wasn’t like that any more. So I looked for my seat and said “math mistake”? In other words, I didn’t see a place for myself. Ian was sitting in his car seat in the garage.

the dinner didn’t go well. My hateful sister-in-law used the word “silly.” They helplessly exposed their sex-life. Bill Gates came up in a negative way. My father complained that his birthday party was ruined.

meanwhile my son was asphyxiating in that horrible garage and I just didn’t even see it. It was just so horrible for me that I couldn’t get beyond me to see he would know about a party and know that he was being excluded. I am looking back with horror and hatred at this very moment. I’m sure I expected that my mother had him covered over in some way. But that doesn’t help much for me with Ian.

Praying today in this regard and also looking for the help of ALIENS to help him for any physical harm and damage for instance was he struggling in there? I thought he was asleep the whole time but I don’t know. I think I checked but I’m not sure. Birthdays were always so important to him.

My father would have held on to this all these years to “lambaste me” for it. It’s the kind of thing he does.