nccotus

I was moonlighting as a “little woman” in college when I ought to have been considering whether I really belonged at Harvard. I had written my college personal essay about running away from home before Senior year and then my early college experience was sort of like that and maybe that was why they didn’t throw me out for my smoking and poor hygiene and other eccentric behavior. I was about done at the beginning of Junior a year in college but I had no place to go. So, I got involved with the undergraduate literary magazine and became confronted with my issues. Ended up going home for awhile.

Fast forward; I met my husband and had a child and ditched my early literary pretentions. And learned to please in different ways. No longer the little woman. Alex disdained that. He wanted a sex slave. It was cruel how he used me for that. I became eroticized by the pain he was causing me. He didn’t care. He just wanted what he wanted.

it all stopped after Ian was born. I refused after that.

I looked to Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Jorge Luis Borges for info about sexuality early in my life for normally make dominant sex yet respectful towards women. It helped with my experience with Alex. No Hollywood romantic comedy b.s. there. His father was a foot soldier in WWII. He fought for my father! No frills there!
So, I have to let Ian make his own decisions about his “little woman” here in America today where it’s such a long time since that horrific World War that drove us across the cusp of a century and into a new millennium! And let their romance play out without my interference. I am seeing this even as I am writing! Let this relationship live according to the Lord’s will not mine!

Also prayng to St. Valentine for Ian”s right discernment in this regard where I don’t have the power or insight in this regard.