nccotus

I have my buzzwords just like everyone else.

my mother used to use them to control me.

‘crazy’ ‘nuts’ ‘warm’

things that would block me or cause a startle response leading to a painful spasm or seizure trough which she could enter my mind to pass through whatever she liked and she would sit there talking about me right in front of me like I was an idiot. It is painful to recall.

so, I know about value laden language and laundering literature to accommodate the current American racial mindset specifically related to the language and locutions based on outmoded racial mixes.

it is a shame to see Dr. Seuss go down.

what about Wordsworth, Keats, Coleridge, and Yeats? What about Shakespeare? What about Walt Whitman?

Rather than taking them down we must teach them alongside their Black and Latino and other non-White compatriots . A little old fashioned affirmative action there, I assume this would already be happening. African literature? Cervantes, Borges, Pirandello, Marquez? All of these should be read in high school along side Dickens and Jane Austen and Mark Twain.

Also Maya Angelou and the “these hips” poetess. I don’t know them well but I love what I have seen. And Alice Walker.

that was my smattering of reading as I flirted around with a non honors track degree in English in college. Known to walk around “with a book under my arm.” Don’t know where I got the idea of what to read. Picked up a CLGS, Cum Laude in General Studies, recently I have been saying they faked it and didn’t really award me one it’s complicated but I realized that that’s not true; they did not fake it, I don’t know why the fancy certificate but I did graduate. I am BA CLGS of Harvard Radcliffe College.

I have had my battles since then and race wars has been the trenches.

all I can say there is that in high school I stumbled upon Langston Hughes, the Harlem Renaissance poet, and wrote my term paper for US History about him and other Harlem Renaissance poets.

In contrast, MH wars has been my own personal Armaggedon.

it started with the Advocate. My first Waterloo.

I was met with a wall when I went home to New Jersey. They couldn’t care less about the Advocate.

I ended up in psych care that was all wrong for me and turned my life into one long Waterloo.

2 suicide attempts both as ordered by my parents

3 more as ordered by my husband; he was probably told by my parents.

It all came to me through through my four now identified enemies: that would be 1 Anita, 2 Sally, 3 Judith, 4 Claire. They are now, herein unfriended.

I got stuck in the 80’s, never to return. There was a fifth enemy, never a friend, maybe she was the best friend I ever had, the woman at the state hospital whom I styled a “common whore” who took me down; with the help of the program administrator. I was trapped in a world of pain and abuse after the clamped catheter ICU incident and all of this WAS the “ghoul epiphany.” I took myself apart trying to figure myself out as nobody else had been able to do this for me and I thought to myself this is what I was what I wanted it’s is just not the right time abd place for it.

looking back, I am saying to myself, “trust in the Lords timing.” “Jesus keeps time in perfect justice because of love.” (St. John of the Cross.)

There is a reason even for Satan. We turn recalcitrant persons over to Satan when we get fed up with them (see the book of Peter.). Sim The woman at the state hospital may have had a negative intent but it was warranted, in that sense she was a friend in doing to me something that needed to be done that nobody else could do. Like a correctional officer. I learned through those years. Found out I was English. Was supervised as I slept. Are a balanced diet and had no trouble with my weight.

maybe I will never completely understand what happened there. But somehow it led directly to my meeting Alex in the weirdest and most mysterious way.

that’s for my novel.