nccotus

…about Joann

I was in such a sick place in my soul there.

I was giving Rob M money because I had it and they needed it. To take care of Ian because I couldn’t. It takes a village to raise a child.

They just didn’t get it how I honored her. He was cuddly and cute but I never went there. People thought it if me but it wasn’t true!

we were co-British and sympatico in that regard. Conversationally only.

I was paying him to take care of Ian, his son and Ian were best friends, it just felt logical for the two of them to be together. Rob was such a beautiful and loving caregiver.

But Joann grew sick if it.

I know now what she needed.

ian needed a surrogate mother in the retroactive interpolation of a safer childbirth and what followed. Breanna was it. Then, a moment in my arms. All this has been accomplished and it is down. After that I couldn’t comply with the immediate demands of motherhood. But he couldn’t just go out there to any random adoptive mother. His issues were so serious, particularly, the sour amniotic fluid; the terrifying presence of the remains of abortive Jasmine in my uterus, the desperately stressful road trip from San Diego County to Buffalo at 7 1/2 months pregnant.

ian would have died in another’s care in these regards. The Lord stepped in and kept him safe in my care despite everything that happed early on, ie. in the apartment in Buffalo and the townhome in MD.

i am crediting Joann as being like the adoptive mother that he needed. She earned this acknowledgment if she chooses to go there. I am placing him in her arms. At the best I had undiagnosed and unfostered organic personality disorder. I was holding on in the worst way for social reasons that I couldn’t escape. Ian could have done better than this for a mother presence. Joann, acknowledged, would have been better. I would deem her a part of the family and the Hopkins lawsuit