nccotus

I am finally ORIENTED over recent years. Specifically, since the return to PA in 2012.

the Lamictal OD in 2016 had me queered off of life as I knew it ever since. Recently the weird music fripom the Klonopin overdose in Florida around 2009 went out if me and I realized I was finally over it. And, simultaneously, that I was NOT over the Lamictal OD in 2016. Also that I probably do NOT have enough years left in this lifetime to get over it, I do not know what made me do it. I just got a little paranoid.

So I asked to be able to do some “early work” to take the bull by the horns and get off of that bed in the ICU at the Lehigh Valley Hospital where I stayed for ??? 5 days? Or was it longer. I was in a medical bed for about a month before they returned me to a psych floor. I wasn’t the same after that. But I’m starting to come back.

i am remembering the little boy in Easton in 2013 and I am able to see now what happened there. They drew from me all those years to raise him. (Because I called Children’s Services in them and admitted it). I realized a few things about how it all went down that made me more comfortable with that situation now, lifting that kid and his family up in prayer.

Turning to my own son.

I don’t know what to say to you Ian. I have short changed you here. I have cut a 7 1/2 year swathe through your life. I trust that it all passed through the Lord’s hands. Maybe you needed this break from the person I had become.

Through it I found the doctor my soul needed, Behar of Quakertown, who discerned the course of a childhood reader. If he could see to add there the habits of a lifelong invalid he would have this show on the road. But, he would probably never assent to treat me again. The sexuality issue brought me amiss there. The near death issue this time made the sexuality issue really horrible.

relying on my dovetail theory of God to bring this situation to a close.

In other words, all this crazy stuff of the last few years has to be brought into proportion in this regard and integrated into my lifetime in a tenable way.

praying for this.

it probably all relates to the incarceration at Wernersville when I was 24 to 26 and what led to it and what followed; that 3 1/2 DECADES LATER I am still stuck and people are still trying to put me BACK THERE!