nccotus

I started smoking Freshman year at a boarding school. My parents caught me smoking in the bathroom on vacation spring term.

they said that I had made a “choice.” To smoke.

which I had, I had decided before I went away there that I would smoke. I wanted to smoke with the bad girls in 8th grade but wasn’t accepted by them. The girls whom I stayed with at Kent School when I went for a visit took me out for a cigarette.

But it was different how my parents were putting it to me. They were confusing it with the “choice” I supposedly made about the abortion of Arthur Robyn, my father’s baby. They had made me sign a complicated statement saying that I chose the abortion. I know that I would have wanted the baby, a young girl does. Especially a young girl with OPD (organic personality disorder). I was a very loving, innocent being. I loved the book, “A Little Princess.” I had read it about 5 times.

I remember sitting on the bed at Kent alone, blank and absent when I “sicked out” of classes for a day on a regular basis. Holding on for pain I couldn’t feel.

All these years they blocked me this way. I just felt the pain in my uterus after all these years. The pain of the abortion and the loss of the baby. As I walked back in from the smoking porch after reporting all this as I stated this as I waited in the med line. Here, we line and waited for things like meals and meds. It gives a whole new meaning to the expression, “Serve Him in the waiting!”

I am remembering to Trust in the Lord’s timing.