nccotus

was also infant tortured in a psychological way. Through what they did to me.

They made it a jealousy thing.

They taught her to want absolutely anything I had or got.

She learned to believe at a young age that anything I had actually belonged to her.

she got my lovely room when I went away to boarding school. I got her dim and murky room all redecorated in brown. She got my collection of glass animals and stuffed animals and a huge anxiety producing closet full of treasures that I desperately needed to sort out.

Then, we moved to the wealthy town next door when I was away at school and I never even knew what happened to my things. The tradition of brown subtly continued through with a very large room with stained wood floors and French doors and a bay window. Very beautiful but cold and uninviting.

After awhile, after the Harvard debacle, when I returned to college after I tried to cut my wrists, they gave her my room again. Once again without clearing my stuff out of the large walk-in closet. she helped herself to my things. And jealously guarded the door.

Years later, recently, in the cottage, I saw her looking at me in the cottage as in a fish bowl. I know about that place and how it’s like that. I did it to the cat dapples and to my brother when he was staying there.

After my mother died (or was thought to), when I was staying there in (in the cottage), I finally put in curtains. What a blessed relief that was. But Claire (my sister) continued to follow me. At this point she is looking for a pound of my flesh. She probably doesn’t even know why any more.

She was born too weak to live and they used me for parts to sustain her. What else can you do? I remember when she wasn’t growing and they couldn’t get her to eat. That must have been terrifying for them. But they did not turn her into a morally wellfeasant being by what they did to use me for her strength and sustenance.

I know that my mother was trying to claim to Ian that she “actually” really gave birth to him herself. In a similar regard. In other words, she abused his vulnerable mind to take him off of me in his mind, this is such sick abuse. It was all to support Claire’s sick ego issues.

I am apprised today of an extensive relationship between him and her that I knew nothing about that deeply disturbs me to know of.