nccotus

I had a theory that I was a multiple (multiple personality disorder) and my mother liked to keep at that painful moment of dissociation, aware and alert-where ordinarily you blip out unseen and unknown.

My impression was that it was ‘serial dissociative disorder”—a form if mpd where you dissociate over times and places. In other words I was always “Lynne”, but I was a different across the different places I went to and over time, like Kent School and Harvard and the State Hospital and my marriage et cetera and couldn’t see old friends and acquaintances form one place to another.

my mother played with this, for instance, through object constancy, she ripped that out of me during the time period in the late 80’s when I was smoking in her garage and used it to play with my mind. It triggered a place where she get me to dissociate and forget who I was when it was dangerous to do so. In other words, she started a seizure. And manipulated me through it. Just to cause me pain and control me through it. It was awful hat she was doing to me.

That’s when I met Alex.

I thought that she obviously would quit that and let me go to this person who could help and I was shocked at what actually happened. I am realizing right now that she probably did it to cater to my sister, who couldn’t handle it for anything good to happen to me. Probably because of guilt feelings.

Now, I am out of the serial dissociative situation where I am “oriented” (see my post) over times and places in my life and off of the table in the ICU where I all but lost my life in the 80’s.

Now I am in united as one person with a diagnosis of organic personality disorder with several axes, a sexual injury, a seizure disorder, and the wart-mole syndrome.