nccotus

as opposed to Dad/Grandad Bernard; a beautiful super civvy being where Dad Alex was forged in a military family

it as a tough one for me to make that shift.

It was an act of mercy, courage, and grace by Alex to take me as his wife and mold me from nearly dead to be a competent human being. I did not respond well to his tactics at first but he bulled through my refined ways to the soldier at my core to make a woman out of me. He was already a man. I helped him to see civvy street differently. It as so sad for us.

it was as it needed to be for Ian’s sake. I am sure that he would agree.

Alex continues to elude me because he needs to.

Every so often I get a glimpse. I know things now that I didn’t know before. Him too I would guess. I never understood about him and his feelings as an equal being. It felt like he was so high above me. He had a real education and a real job. I had cocktail party history, a slew of reading, and math for fun. So, I wrote a beautiful computer program and ran the college literary program for a year. Alex was into that.

so, I miss him. But we probably wouldn’t be able to be together any more. I am too physically fragile. He is happy where he is. I miss the presence. No other man would do. It is a bind for me. Not for him.